ALTHOUGH they live by a pre-determined schedule, no two weeks are the same for a professional footballer. But just as some things change, other things stay the same on a week-to-week basis, namely match days, training sessions and Joel Porter’s infamous "little black book"!
A footballer’s weekly bible is the training schedule, which lists everything from games, training sessions, promotional appearances, travel arrangements and the elusive one day off.
At the start of the week, following a weekend game, it is not unusual to catch United players sunning themselves on Gold Coast beaches for a couple of hours, or causing havoc in the supermarket aisles as they recover from their match day exertions.
In their spare time footballers tend to stick together because, as Jerrad Tyson pointed out, most of their non-footballing friends have regular nine to five jobs, meaning their hours of work are vastly different to those of a professional athlete.
Besides, hanging out in numbers comes in handy when fighting off Zac Anderson’s female fan club and makes supermarket shopping something of an event with the players bouncing, heading or kicking healthy foods into the groaning trolley.
At training the banter and atmosphere is light hearted and friendly, with a brotherly bond between the players spreading from their time on the field where they depend on each other so much.
Yet as the week’s Holy Grail approaches and match day looms, everything changes in preparation for the big day, as United’s goalkeeper Jerrad Tyson explains.
“There’s a change of focus among the players leading into match days. You start thinking about the food you’re eating and really concentrate on getting your body into the best physical state ready for the game,” said Jerrad.
“Relaxing or going to the beach is done at the start of the week because coming into a game a trip to the beach is not always the best thing for your form; you taper off on those things and become more focused.”
Match day itself sees the players preparing in individual and distinctive ways. Some decide to arrive early at the home ground to have everything organised and take their time going through the motions while others arrive in groups, supporting each other before the game.
Although no lucky undies or scoring socks (that were admitted!) are brought out on match days, some players tend to enjoy a sleep-in before the game while others, like Jerrad, prefer to rise with sparrows.
“I get up a little bit earlier in the morning and go out somewhere for a walk to get out in the fresh air and get the body into a good routine so I’m nice and awake,” said Jerrad.
“A few of the other boys have little differences in their days; some people eat or drink different things to get in the zone, but I like to get up at a good hour to have a really relaxed start to the day, some good food and plenty of water.”
Regardless of each player’s different pre-match or training ritual, one activity remains consistent from day-to-day and week-to-week – Joel Porter’s black book and stopwatch.
The team, under Joel’s iron fist, have developed a fining system, something removed from United’s management or Miron’s instructions, presenting a fun way to regulate themselves and ensure their commitments are fulfilled – on time!
If a player is late to training, wears the wrong sponsor gear or forgets their stadium pass, the offence is written by Joel in his ‘little book of crimes’ and at the end of the week the player is fined, maybe $50 or $60, for his training tardiness or fashion faux pas.
And ‘fine master’ Porter is merciless in the execution of his duties. At morning training he will be at the door with a stopwatch, counting down the seconds to the scheduled arrival time and making sure any latecomers are hunted down big-brother style.
“He’s absolutely brutal and he’s got eyes everywhere. We’ve had a few away trips recently where, because of his injury, Joel hasn’t been there but he still hears and sees everything,” laughed Jerrad.
“If you attend to a team meeting in a hotel in Newcastle and you’re wearing the wrong socks then Joel will know, even though he’s still on the Gold Coast!”
Joel also ensures that post-match fame comes at a price. If a United player’s picture is exhibited within any newspaper the day after the game, Joel, with his underground connections, will hear about it and fine the star a publicity fee; poor James Brown will have been suffering some expenses this season with Ben Halloran not too far behind.
Yet the players are not left without a saving grace, come Friday there is a ‘double or nothing’ opportunity through a coin toss. If they choose correctly their fines will be wiped, but if they’re unlucky their dues will be doubled. Those with a sense of adventure take the gamble, the more conservative take their punishment and cut their losses.
It’s dressing room antics like these that keep the group together as a team through the good times and bad, as well as helping them to navigate through the personal ups and downs that punctuate the life of a professional footballer. The banter, sense of mateship and comradery is not only essential to the dynamic of a football team, it’s good for the soul.